You know what’s worse than going on a first date?
No, seriously – there are so so very few things that make you quite as nervous, as squeamish and as nauseous as the hours before a first date. Usually these nerves pay off in the form of a pretty great date – if not a decent enough date. But then there are those dates that we will never forget. The ones that make us recoil in horror when we think of them. The ones we try so very hard to see the funny side of – but it’s a struggle to say the least.
With us there? Course you are.
You don’t have to feel alone either because Opsh have enlisted the help of these six date-scared women to recall their tales of their horrific dates.
Read it and weep. Or laugh.
Before I met my current boyfriend, I went on my very first, first date (I know!). It was with a guy I got introduced to at my friend’s party and he seemed really nice. I hadn’t been out with anyone since my previous boyfriend but when he asked me out, I thought, why the hell not? I thought he was being really cute when he said I’ll meet you at Stephen’s Green and we’ll go from there – was he going to walk me down Grafton St and stop for ice-cream? Chill out in the park and get to know each other? Not exactly.
We went to Diceys because, as he put it, they do the best deals in Dublin. And by that he meant €2 drinks. Em, OK, don’t panic here Grainne. Maybe he’s just skint this week? So we get in there and are surrounded by students getting absolutely smashed – bear in mind I was 25 at the time and he was 27. He then proceeded to get just as smashed as the students while I sat there awkwardly with no clue as to what to say or do – I didn’t want to be rude and just get up and leave.
But the straw that broke the camel’s back was when he went to the loo and was gone for like 20 minutes. I was freaking out that he had gotten into a scrap in the bathroom, gotten lost or was gone to take coke (I wouldn’t have put it past him!), but when I went looking for him, I found him kissing another girl at the bar. Yep, really.
Oh also, she looked around 21. Quite literally the worst date ever.
I had been single for just over a year and was ready to get back into the dating game. I’d been on a string of ‘meh’ dates but really thought I had struck gold when I started chatting to Barry on Tinder. He seemed nice, caring, hilarious and was pretty good looking. So anyway, we arranged to go for a date during the week in a local tapas bar in my town.
Weirdly enough, he immediately started asking me about my exes, which was pretty awkward. I tried to brush it off and changed the subject – but he was persistent. He then started to tell me about his ex-girlfriend and how much of a ‘fucking b*tch’ she was (his words, not mine). It turns out she cheated on him with his best mate and he only found out a month before and was definitely not over it.
To add insult to injury, he claimed that this used to be ‘their’ tapas bar – but he ‘couldn’t give a sh*t’ if she saw us there.
I left before the Patatas Bravas were cold.
I had been talking to this guy on OKCupid.com for quite a while and he seemed pretty nice so decided I was going to take the bull by the horns and ask him out on a date. Pretty impressive, right? We met up for drinks in one of my favourite bars and the date went well – just well. I definitley didn’t feel a spark and after many years of dating the wrong guys for weeks and months on end, I knew that this wasn’t going anywhere.
I messaged him the next day to let me know and he was lovely about it. At first.
That Saturday, I got a drunken phone call at 4am, followed by numerous texts asking where I was. This happened every Friday or Saturday night for about 6 weeks. I then decided to block him on my phone and immediately got a WhatsApp message asking me had I blocked him. So I blocked him on WhatsApp too (desperate times and all that).
I thought the problem was over and done with until I started seeing him everywhere – turns out he works right around the corner from my office and looks absolutely mortified every time he see’s me. So awkward.
I once went on a date with a guy who brought his mate with him. It was two years ago and he was 25.
He asked me to go to the cinema and when I arrived, there was his friend standing next to him with popcorn in hand – a combo meal for the two of them!!
Needless to say, I didn’t go on a second date. If you could even call that a first date.
Not exactly a date, but I was with my girlfriends on a night out and met this very handsome older man whom I got talking to at the bar. We ended up spending the whole night together and had quite a few G&Ts. I went back to his gorgeous house and – you know – did the deed.
I woke up the next morning feeling very content and comfortable. He had even left me a note on my pillow saying ‘come downstairs for breakfast x’ – how very old school of him. I threw on his shirt (and adjusted my face in the mirror) and headed downstairs to be welcomed by his three kids. His three f*cking kids!!
And by kids I mean the youngest was 13, the oldest was 16. I absolutely wolfed down the breakfast and left as soon as I possibly could. It was the most mortifying moment of my life and I still get stomach-churns when I think about it.
Oh and no, I did not see him ever again.
I went on a date last week with this guy who turned up drunk. And no, not just a little buzzed but full on drunk. It was a Tuesday night!
When he leaned in to kiss me I could smell the alcohol on him (and he also fell into me which kind of gave it away). I had two drinks with him but could not get a word in edge ways over his slurring. I then made my excuses to leave and he started calling me a ‘dry shite’ and saying, “fuck sake, I thought we were going to have the craic tonight”.
I could not get out of there fast enough.